A physical barrier to progress...

The good news is that my flexibility is returning extremely fast with the practice of daily yoga. For that I am so very grateful... unfortunately, my 7 years of "packing on the pounds" has left me with another obstacle to my goals... a physical obstacle... adipose tissue known as "the gut". My flexibility is to a point that I can stretch, reach, fold further than my excess body tissues can allow. I literally collide with my fat as I reach for my toes or try to do a forward fold.

Still, I must give thanks to my body for recovering and regenerating faster than the doctors thought possible. My family doctor is less surprised and more of the attitude that I am healing the way "everyone should" if people were to take control of their healing instead of expecting to be healed by others (or depending upon medication to do it all). I suppose that's the advantage of having been a personal trainer, a yoga instructor, and a massage therapist in my varied and eccentric past. I am delighted to be able to do warrior poses again, and being able to do modified planks and table and so on.

Ending my relationship with "the gut", or specifically, establishing a healthier relationship with my gut, is not a simple task. It isn't like I can just say "it isn't working out" and abandon the relationship. We are tied together, literally, and have to find a healthy way to exist as one whole entity that loves and honors itself. That means I can't look at my belly with LOATHING and expect to achieve wondrous changes. Hate does not make for healthy self identity. So I have to look at this oversized midsection of mine and realize it is what I made of it... it has served the purpose of protecting and insulating me from the stresses of my chosen lifestyle. I must now find better ways to deal with the challenges in my life so I don't dump all of it on my body.

Yoga is more than asanas... and being healthy is more than a lean body. I've got so much recovery to do... and not just from accident injuries!

Asanas, Isometrics, Weights and Injuries

Taraksvasana

As of Sunday I've upped my physical recovery regime. I now do at least 30 minutes of yoga/isometrics/weights per day, and try to do 2 sessions (morning/evening). Last week I couldn't do more than about 15 minutes before I ran out of steam... now I'm puttering out at 25-30 minutes. That's distinct improvement.

I've added light resistance to some of my moves (10lb weights) to help with the recovery of muscle. I've also begun doing "iron Body Qi Gong" (or a variant there of -- it has been several years since I practiced regularly) to help begin revving up my cell energy and metabolism. It is amazing how quickly I can heat up and sweat doing IBQG.

I lost a good deal of weight a week ago, but last week I didn't lose an ounce. What I did lose was fat off my waist. I remember this particular cycle. My body seems to lose weight and size (fat) in alternating weeks... one to three weeks of weight loss, then a week or two of size reduction without weight loss... then weight loss again. It can be very frustrating and discouraging if I only use one measure of success... that is why I always check weight and waist size, because one is usually improving even when the other is at a stand still.

I presently can't do any thing like the beautiful Taraksvasana asana above. At the peak of my yoga practice I was barely able to manage that pose. I can't even do inversions yet... though I think my left shoulder could manage simple inversion poses, my right wrist is no where close to ready. I am doing yoga stretches and therapy work on my wrist, thumb and shoulder daily... but I'm not so stupid as to think I could just "do it" when just holding a pen to sign my name is a challenge.

My goal is to be able to do Taraksvasana again before I turn 48. I see no reason why I can't manage that... so long as I avoid any further grievous physical injuries in the next 15 months. I don't think I'll aim to look like the model above, however... for one thing he's in is 20s, and that'd be creepy... for another, I've got more muscle than that and want to keep it!

I have an inspirational magnet on my fridge that says "Growing Old Is Not For Sissies." If I manage to follow my grandfather & mother's examples of what 80s-90s should be, I'll still be doing my yoga, hiking, canoeing, and maybe even still riding a motorcycle (probably a trike) when I get there!

One posture at a time

Warrior 1 on the beach, 2005.

Weight loss is important, but lifestyle and comfort and ability are more important. I have returned to daily yoga... only 15-30 minutes a day, and I can't do inversions or positions which stress the wrists or shoulder, but I am DOING yoga. I want to be able to reach and tie my shoes comfortably and easily. I want to go up and down stairs without hip twinges, ankle aches, or heavy breathing. I want to be able to grab a bottle and twist off the cap without gritting my teeth and struggling.

Reverse Warrior on the beach, 2005.

I want to be able to enjoy the strength, vitality and power of my body again. I look at photos of myself a decade ago, effortlessly doing yoga in the waves. No, I wasn't "model body" but there really wasn't anything to complain about. I was strong, energetic, flexible. Yet I thought of myself as "fat". Amazing the power of thoughts to shape our realities... I thought of myself as fat for so long that I finally matched my body to my mental image of myself.

So now I have to use the same magic that brought me here, to take me where I want to be. I am a valuable, strong, healthy person. I will think that, and be that. I will have to have patience, it took a decade to go from a beach body to a beach-ball body... it will take time and effort, physical, mental and emotional, but I can become the person I really want to be!

Blessings and Escapes

Sometimes it takes a true shock to the system to get you to really rethink your life. A month ago I was in a very SERIOUS motorcycle accident. Compound fractured thumb, dislocated shoulder, torn nose, torn up foot, lots of road rash, and as yet undetermined damage to ITB and thigh still hidden under a huge hematoma. I've never been an invalid before, EVER. Even my 2013 encounter with a light-running SUV was not as damaging as this "simple" laydown of my bike in gravel. Being unable to care-for, do-for myself was a nightmare. The experience left me with nightmares, fits of weeping, and a real intimate understanding of my fears.

I'm now on the mend, the orthopedist is amazed at my rate of recovery... says I'm a month ahead of where he thought I'd be. That's great, but I still have months of rehab, therapy and possible surgeries to return me to "fully functional". It is daunting... discouraging... and I can see why and how constant low level pain, with occasional zaps of acute pain, can leave someone unable to cope and unwilling to push ahead. Pain zaps the very energy you use to fight the pain, making it even harder to accomplish things that were once "no problem" to do... no wonder people get addicted to pain killers.

My mutant-healing factor has kicked in, but my body warns me this is the "last freebie" I'm getting. I've neglected, abused, poisoned, and debilitated my body's health and wellness over the last 6 years. I've been told POINT BLANK by my body that I can either do right by it, attend to its needs nutritionally, physically, and spiritually, or it will fail the next time I put it up against an injury or other extreme challenge. I have come to realize I love my body... I do not love what I've done to it, but I love being able to "do", to be able to meet challenges, and to be able to rest and actually feel "comfortable" in my skin. Right now my body can't do... I've done too much damage... not from the accident, but from the years of neglect.

So, since my accident I've been paying close attention to what my body tells me. I'm doing what I can to heal it, not only from my injuries but from my neglect. Yoga, right eating, time for self healing and time for friends and fun... creativity expressed, and love given and received.

Yep, another reboot...

Not this week, but maybe this year! (with padding)