Well, the plateau has shifted slightly... am now down to 250lbs and under 47" waist. Yay! That's about 12 lbs and 2 inches in about 7 weeks. I'd have preferred 14/3 but progress is progress. My wife is asking "so, how long are you going to keep wearing those oversized jeans?" (they are size 46) My response is, "Once I am under 46, I will swap down to my 44s. Once I'm under 44 I'll swap down to 42s, etc." I hate the fact that these days men's pants are no longer reliable as far as sizing is concerned. So annoying!

Stepping it up!

A week of solid Plateau. No weight loss, no fat loss, and no waist size reduction. My body has finished shifting to the changes of the previous month, and, ever efficient, it now requires but I increase intensity and change up my routine. So today I upped my game (a little). Instead of just walking the track, I did several sprints... OUCH... sprinting at 250lbs is shin-splint agony! I also swapped from doing machine (safe, stabilized weights) lifting to doing full body movements with dumbbells. Going from a push-up, to a squat, to bent-over-row, to bicep curls, to shoulder press, and cycle down. UGH... that's a quick full body flush, sweat pump.

Back to really being focused on my eating (no second helpings, no eating after 8pm, drink at least 64oz water). And YOGA! Really, I just gotta do it!

Everyone is telling me I look "lighter", which is sweet... and I'm sure I do look lighter than I did at the end of 2015... I'm about 10lbs lighter, etc. so YAY that it shows. I can also tell I can do more exercise at higher intensity that I could a month ago. I am improving, I am attaining goals... just have to keep going!

Recipes for Healthy Carbing!

High Protein Brown Bread

3 cups flour (1.5c unbleached bread, 1c heritage wheat, .5c teff flour)
.125 cup pecan meal
.125 cup almond meal
2 tbs benefiber
1 scoop chocolate protein powder
.125 cup powdered milk
.25 cup coconut sugar
1 tsp salt
1 tbs active yeast
1 cup warm water
.25 cup rolled oats
.125 cup oil/butter
1 egg

Put dry ingredients from flour to salt into large food processor (have dough blade installed). Run processor for a few turns to mix the dry ingredients.

Wisp yeast, rolled oats and a spoon full of the mixed dry ingredients into the warm water and let sit for 5 minutes to proof.

Add oil/butter, egg and liquid mix to dry ingredients.

Run processor at dough speed until mixture forms sticky ball. If after 30 seconds ball doesn't form and dough is too sticky, add flour in 1/8 cup amounts until ball forms. Let dough circle the bowl 10 times after ball forms. Let dough rest for 5 minutes, then run processor again so dough circles bowl 5 times. Let rest for 5 minutes, run processor again for 5 more circles of the bowl.

Oil a large mixing bowl. Remove dough from processor and shape into ball by hand. Roll the ball about the greased bowl surface to coat dough. Cover and set in a warm space. Leave for first rise.

When dough is about double size (45 min - 2 hrs), fold a few times and reshape into ball. Leave in bowl again for second rise.

When dough is about double size again (about an hour), fold and shape dough. Put into oiled bread pan(s). Leave in warm place to rise.

When loaf has risen sufficiently (depends upon size/shape of pan, but about 1 hr) preheat oven to 450F. Place a roasting pan or iron skillet on lower rack during preheat.

Put loaf into oven, toss half a cup of water into pan/skillet and close oven to trap in steam. Let bake for 5 minutes then turn oven down to 375F. Bake for 25 more minutes, then cover top of loaf with tin foil to prevent over browning. Bake another 15 minutes.

Finished bread should have a hollow sound when tapped.

Flax and Wheat Sandwich Bread

3 cups flour (1c unbleached bread, 1c heritage wheat, .5c oat flour, .5c barley flour)
.25 cup flax meal
1 tsp salt
1 tbs active yeast
.25 cup maple syrup
.75 cup warm milk
.125 cup oil/butter
1 egg

Put dry ingredients from flour to salt into large food processor (have dough blade installed). Run processor for a few turns to mix the dry ingredients.

Wisp yeast, maple syrup and a spoon full of the mixed dry ingredients into the warm milk and let sit for 5 minutes to proof.

Add oil/butter, egg and liquid mix to dry ingredients.

Run processor at dough speed until mixture forms sticky ball. If after 30 seconds ball doesn't form and dough is too sticky, add flour in 1/8 cup amounts until ball forms. Let dough circle the bowl 10 times after ball forms. Let dough rest for 5 minutes, then run processor again so dough circles bowl 5 times. Let rest for 5 minutes, run processor again for 5 more circles of the bowl.

Oil a large mixing bowl. Remove dough from processor and shape into ball by hand. Roll the ball about the greased bowl surface to coat dough. Cover and set in a warm space. Leave for first rise.

When dough is about double size (45 min - 2 hrs), fold a few times and reshape into ball. Leave in bowl again for second rise.

When dough is about double size again (about an hour), fold and shape dough. Put into oiled bread pan(s). Leave in warm place to rise.

When loaf has risen sufficiently (depends upon size/shape of pan, but about 1 hr) preheat oven to 450F. Place a roasting pan or iron skillet on lower rack during preheat.

Put loaf into oven, toss half a cup of water into pan/skillet and close oven to trap in steam. Let bake for 5 minutes then turn oven down to 375F. Bake for 25 more minutes, then cover top of loaf with tin foil to prevent over browning. Bake another 15 minutes.

Finished bread should have a hollow sound when tapped.

Plateaus are a B*tch!

So, I wasn't as diligent with my eating this week. I admit it. I didn't make sure I ate BEFORE 8pm each day. I did good on my calories but was pushing 2000 a day instead of staying at 1500. I had more carbs than I should but most of those were complex so not as bad as they could have been. Still, I'd expected to lose A POUND... but no, not an ounce.

I could rant and rave and gnash my teeth and complain about the unfairness of life... that'd be fun, but not very productive. Instead, I can happily report that though I didn't drop any weight, my body composition shifted another 1% body fat (less), and my waistline reduced another 1/4-1/2". This is a familiar pattern from back in my 30s when I kept so much trimmer... I would have 2-3 weeks of weight loss, then it would pause as everything "shifts about", and then I'd drop weight again. So this isn't like I don't recognize the pattern... but I still want it all now, without the hard work, patience, and persistence it takes to change habits and health.

Okay, enough kvetching. I still have a few thousand steps to do today!

What kinda sexy do I wanna be?

All self recrimination and attempts to "rise above" my baser impulses aside. If I'm going to be saddled with the 17 year old need to "be damn sexy", that should be defined. Do I want that lean, ripped, adonis belted body of a 20-something skater dude? Uh, no. Do I want to be built like Captain America or Thor from the Avenger's movies? Nope. None of that ever was or ever would be what I'd aspire to be. Don't get me wrong, they're hot as hell and I'd do them in a heart beat (okay, not the 20-something dude... that's creepy). But I have never actually envisioned myself that way.

The kind of attractiveness I am going for is more than the physical beauty of my ideal body. Sure, I want to be strong, lean, and most definitely a force of nature... but that doesn't mean bodybuilder or gym body. I want the body of a man who is physically active, strong, healthy, virile, and REAL. Yeah, you heard me right, REAL! As in looks like he exists outside of the gym and eats something other than protein shakes and creatine supplements.

I want to be that sexy, but not classically perfect, guy who has an aura of strength about him... not just physical strength, but mental, emotional and spiritual strength. I want people to look at me and get the impression that what they see is only the "tip of the iceberg". I want to be one sexy witch! That's right, a sexy man of mystery, not in the James Bond way, but in the Guideon (from Babylon 5) way. I want my body to be an extension of a deeper power and beauty... not a glamour over a shallow shell of a man who thinks only of his image.

Yeah, I don't want much... but if it weren't a challenge, would it really something worth working towards?

Keeping on track is so F*cking HARD!

I've done really well for the first month of 2016. Sure, I had some snack attack moments and lazy days, but I've had more good days than bad, obviously, and the results are showing. Now comes the hard part... that razors edge between fear I'm going to fail (again) and complacency that I'm doing "so good" (giving me permission to cheat). And then there's the problem of the conflict between my intellectual goals and my emotional goals. Yeah, its complicated.

Intellectually I want to return to being physically healthy and fit. A pretty ambiguous goal, so lets quantify it a bit. I want to shift my body composition to under 16% body fat. I want to reduce my excess body mass so that what weight I do carry about is productive, not a hindrance. I want to strengthen my body such that I support my structure and protect myself from injury... and such that I can do most any activity I want to (from hiking a trail to splitting logs with a maul). I want to reduce my waist size so that I can fit back into 36" waist pants, which will make shopping SO MUCH EASIER! I want to improve muscle tone so that when I wear something that "body hints" (not hugs, or is a 2nd skin) that I move with a physicality that leaves no doubt that though I'm not a "fitness model" I can handle myself and life from a place of strength. I want to lower my cholesterol and my blood pressure to my pre-40s levels.

Emotionally, all that is bullshit. I want to be able to peel of my shirt and turn heads. I want people to look at me and think I'm in my early 30s not late 40s. I want to get those second glances, not because I'm the "pretty boy" I was when I was younger (and though I didn't admit it, I was one of the pretty boys) but because I look like a "hunky man". I don't want to be a kid, I want to be one of those mature guys people look to and say "I want to be like him". I want to look in the mirror and feel like a f*cking boss! I want to be able to break some foul-mouthed shit in half, not that I -would-, but just knowing I could and others believing it is awesome (and I used to exist in that reality). Yeah, I want to look in the mirror and confidently say "I'd do me".

That's pretty pathetic. I am 47 years old and I have the same emotional obsession with being the "hot guy" as I had at 17. I keep telling myself that my intellectual goals are realistic, that they are mature and honest, and for the most part they are. But what's driving me? WHY am I trying to make these changes... no one is DRIVEN by intellectual reasons. Even pure academics push into the unknown not from the intellectual rewards, but from some emotional need that is tied to their intellect, the high of being right, the stubborn need to never give up, whatever... in the end it is our EMOTIONS that drive us, not our intellect. Our intellect gives us the means to achieve, but our emotions provide the fuel/power/force to get us there.

Can a 47 year old guy really accomplish something meaningful fueling it with 17 year old emotions? More importantly, SHOULD HE? I have shaken my head at and criticized friends who kept trying to fuel their lives from some adolescent need... being frozen at some younger time in their lives and always trying to "get back to" that point when they thought their were at their peak. How do I mature my desires without losing the fire of youth? I'm not sure yet... but I suppose that's the whole thing about self improvement & self discovery... its a journey, not a destination...

from www.spiritpond.com