Envy and Self-Doubt

So I'm pushing 43 years old and am presently struggling to reduce my bodyfat below 20% and my waist size below 39". I eat right, though generally too much of the right foods, workout regularly (3+ days a week), and strive to live a healthy life style. That lifestyle is NOT gym obsessive, nor is it lethargic, but up to this point it has resulted in putting on more unwanted weight (fat) than is acceptable and expanded me beyond my maximum acceptable waist size (35").

So I'm back to the gym more regularly. I am upping my intensity and my time dedicated to physical activity. I am being particularly conscious of my eating, catching myself when I begin to sabotage my efforts by stress eating. I have increased my intake of fruit and veggies, especially local/seasonal foods, exponentially.

My goals are reasonable for my age, lifestyle and dedication.

Yet, for all of that, there are times when I'm in the gym as a far from ideal 40-something, working out with near ideal 20-somethings, and I despair. I think, "I didn't look that good when I was their age... what can I possibly do now?" Negative thoughts have amazing power... far more than positive thoughts in the long run. Why? Because the negative thoughts visit us more often. Even when we manage to stay mostly positive, self encouraging, and appreciative... there is still a little voice just out of view mumbling, "yeah, right."

There is a young man I've seen in the gym numerous times who just hits all my doubt buttons. Not because he is a massively muscled and ripped gym god; he isn't. Not because he is stunningly beautiful; he isn't. He is average height, with a moderate gone structure, an attractive but not arresting face. I will admit that he has beautiful, romance novel cover wavey long, chestnut hair. (but my own hair has been admired for years, so NYAH) What hits my insecurity buttons is that he is simply "that well put together" without the artifice of over development. His physique is attention grabbing without being obsurd, and it is not the "fitness model" form... but advertises that he pays attention to and works to make his body his own.

I envy this young man because he is all I would have wanted to be in my college days (physically).

I can't use him as a target or example to strive for as I could never obtain his style of body -- for one, I've got too much real muscle to ever trim down that far. I am also not so deluded (or depressed) that I believe I can be "20-something" again, physically, mentally, or in any other way. To be honest, I don't want to be. 20-something physical perfection is as much youth as effort. I don't want to be a "youth"; I want to be the best ME, the 40-something me, I can be.

The self-doubt and envy doesn't last... but it does impact my perceptions of myself. Like with my eating, what thoughts I allow myself to indulge in will result in my body (and mind, and spirit). We are what we eat -- physically and emotionally!