Yoga tells you the truths you try to ignore.

There is nothing like having your body announce, "Yo! Dude! You've got some serious shit you've been ignoring!"

That is what my body's been saying for the past two days as I've returned to the yoga mat. I am bound up from head to toe, which is not surprising considering the level of stress and lack of exercise I've lived with for the past couple years. What I hadn't realized was just how constricted, inflexible, and uncomfortable my pelvis has become.

So, what does that mean? Time for laxatives? In a sense, yes, but more of mental/emotional/spiritual flexibility exercises more than a need for a bowel movement. I've tightened up so badly that it is clear that it is a miracle I can still "manifest" ANYTHING in my life. From personal power, to creativity, to community, my ability to bring about change in the world has been pinched down to near nil.

The rule "as above, so below" applies here, in that the body reflects what is happening on a spiritual level. Fortunately, with mindful practice, yoga can invert that rule and influence what is above by working with what is below... i.e. if I work mindfully to open the physical areas of the chakras, the chakras will be positively influenced.

In truth, I probably need some help with this... an energy practitioner who can work on my chakras and meridians from "above" while I work on them from "below". I am always cautious about doing such things for a couple reasons... first, trust... not only trust of the intentions of the other (allowing myself to open to them) but also trust in the actual skill/ability/experience/wisdom of the other practitioner -- I find the average energy worker to be flakey mc snowflake. UGH! Second, determination... I've dealt with too many people who have used energy work/healing as an excuse not to do the physical work to solve their problems. I don't want to be one of those people who cast spells to lose weight while chowing down on box after box of krispy kremes. I MUST do the work, and I don't want to be lulled into complacency by the euphoria which can accompany powerful energy work.

So, my goal for the next 6 weeks for physical fitness? YOGA! I'm just going to do it morning and night, increasing the intensity and duration as my body/mind recovers/returns to health.

Regular physical activity doesn't preclude therapy...

The last two weeks I have been fairly active, but I have not been doing my yoga or concentrated therapy on my shoulder/wrist/thumb. I realize, much to my chagrin, that this is the precise trap so many people fall into who end up having only marginal or limited recoveries. It is great that I am being physically active, doing assorted construction tasks, etc. however, though keeping active is always beneficial to health, it does NOT replace therapy and specific practices like yoga, etc.

I have no desire to be caught in that trap. I wish I'd realized I was falling into it earlier, but better now than later. So I have worked on my shoulder and thumb tonight... tomorrow I'll be doing my first yoga since arriving in Maine. I must also do some rehab from a slip I had on the stairs a few days ago... no, I didn't fall down them, but I did have to grab quickly at railing/support and strained my shoulder in the process. Ah well, two steps forward... one step back is still going forward.

I have not lost the weight I would have liked in the last couple weeks. I know part of the problem was the 2 days of travel, sitting on my ass for 22 hours and having to eat what we could find on the way (aka. shit-fast-food). We have been eating well up here, as we always do, but the portions have been a bit larger than they should (the food is just so GOOOOOD). I haven't backtracked, thank the gods, but I haven't progressed either.

This too shall pass. I have added chaga-tea to my daily regimen. This has already begun helping with my aches, and it has also begun to influence my digestion... I hope all the additional removal of toxins/waste materials will start showing tangible (aka, scale/tape measure) results.

Another challenge to studying my progress is that my beloved Tanita scale has finally lost its little digital mind... we have had to replace it with a more modern, sophisticated scale... and as is typical, they don't read exactly the same. I really am not concerned as to whether the 242 or 243 is correct, I just want to have trackable results... so now I have to wait until my weight on the new scale reduces down to what my weight on the old scale was, then I can start tracking progress again -- such a bore.

I also need to get back to my spiritual practices... that will partly be fulfilled through yoga-meditation, and some by my art, but I need my "sacred space" in which to do ritual... that is, as yet, not available because it is being built into our new room. So much to do to bring fullness back to my life... and during all this, I must remember to take time to LIVE, and be AWARE, and APPRECIATE the process.

A physical barrier to progress...

The good news is that my flexibility is returning extremely fast with the practice of daily yoga. For that I am so very grateful... unfortunately, my 7 years of "packing on the pounds" has left me with another obstacle to my goals... a physical obstacle... adipose tissue known as "the gut". My flexibility is to a point that I can stretch, reach, fold further than my excess body tissues can allow. I literally collide with my fat as I reach for my toes or try to do a forward fold.

Still, I must give thanks to my body for recovering and regenerating faster than the doctors thought possible. My family doctor is less surprised and more of the attitude that I am healing the way "everyone should" if people were to take control of their healing instead of expecting to be healed by others (or depending upon medication to do it all). I suppose that's the advantage of having been a personal trainer, a yoga instructor, and a massage therapist in my varied and eccentric past. I am delighted to be able to do warrior poses again, and being able to do modified planks and table and so on.

Ending my relationship with "the gut", or specifically, establishing a healthier relationship with my gut, is not a simple task. It isn't like I can just say "it isn't working out" and abandon the relationship. We are tied together, literally, and have to find a healthy way to exist as one whole entity that loves and honors itself. That means I can't look at my belly with LOATHING and expect to achieve wondrous changes. Hate does not make for healthy self identity. So I have to look at this oversized midsection of mine and realize it is what I made of it... it has served the purpose of protecting and insulating me from the stresses of my chosen lifestyle. I must now find better ways to deal with the challenges in my life so I don't dump all of it on my body.

Yoga is more than asanas... and being healthy is more than a lean body. I've got so much recovery to do... and not just from accident injuries!

One posture at a time

Warrior 1 on the beach, 2005.

Weight loss is important, but lifestyle and comfort and ability are more important. I have returned to daily yoga... only 15-30 minutes a day, and I can't do inversions or positions which stress the wrists or shoulder, but I am DOING yoga. I want to be able to reach and tie my shoes comfortably and easily. I want to go up and down stairs without hip twinges, ankle aches, or heavy breathing. I want to be able to grab a bottle and twist off the cap without gritting my teeth and struggling.

Reverse Warrior on the beach, 2005.

I want to be able to enjoy the strength, vitality and power of my body again. I look at photos of myself a decade ago, effortlessly doing yoga in the waves. No, I wasn't "model body" but there really wasn't anything to complain about. I was strong, energetic, flexible. Yet I thought of myself as "fat". Amazing the power of thoughts to shape our realities... I thought of myself as fat for so long that I finally matched my body to my mental image of myself.

So now I have to use the same magic that brought me here, to take me where I want to be. I am a valuable, strong, healthy person. I will think that, and be that. I will have to have patience, it took a decade to go from a beach body to a beach-ball body... it will take time and effort, physical, mental and emotional, but I can become the person I really want to be!

Dancing with progress

What many people don't seem to realize when you workout a lot and are striving to build a new lifestyle, new body, etc. is that progress is not linear. It isn't even always continually "upward". I generally consider that it works somewhat in a wave, with peaks of progress and then troughs of back sliding. One could consider it a dance of 3 steps forward, one step back. The backslide should never be as large as the gains, but there are days when you just aren't as strong, tough, enduring, as others.

Some trainers (and the military) would say "work it HARDER" at such times, but I believe in honoring the body's wisdom. Does this mean you don't do anything? Absolutely not! It means, don't push for that heavier weight, faster run, more intense effort -- back off a bit and honor your body, say "I hear you; I am listening. Let's just do this!" In the long run, your body and your health will thank you for it!