Stepping it up!

A week of solid Plateau. No weight loss, no fat loss, and no waist size reduction. My body has finished shifting to the changes of the previous month, and, ever efficient, it now requires but I increase intensity and change up my routine. So today I upped my game (a little). Instead of just walking the track, I did several sprints... OUCH... sprinting at 250lbs is shin-splint agony! I also swapped from doing machine (safe, stabilized weights) lifting to doing full body movements with dumbbells. Going from a push-up, to a squat, to bent-over-row, to bicep curls, to shoulder press, and cycle down. UGH... that's a quick full body flush, sweat pump.

Back to really being focused on my eating (no second helpings, no eating after 8pm, drink at least 64oz water). And YOGA! Really, I just gotta do it!

Everyone is telling me I look "lighter", which is sweet... and I'm sure I do look lighter than I did at the end of 2015... I'm about 10lbs lighter, etc. so YAY that it shows. I can also tell I can do more exercise at higher intensity that I could a month ago. I am improving, I am attaining goals... just have to keep going!

What kinda sexy do I wanna be?

All self recrimination and attempts to "rise above" my baser impulses aside. If I'm going to be saddled with the 17 year old need to "be damn sexy", that should be defined. Do I want that lean, ripped, adonis belted body of a 20-something skater dude? Uh, no. Do I want to be built like Captain America or Thor from the Avenger's movies? Nope. None of that ever was or ever would be what I'd aspire to be. Don't get me wrong, they're hot as hell and I'd do them in a heart beat (okay, not the 20-something dude... that's creepy). But I have never actually envisioned myself that way.

The kind of attractiveness I am going for is more than the physical beauty of my ideal body. Sure, I want to be strong, lean, and most definitely a force of nature... but that doesn't mean bodybuilder or gym body. I want the body of a man who is physically active, strong, healthy, virile, and REAL. Yeah, you heard me right, REAL! As in looks like he exists outside of the gym and eats something other than protein shakes and creatine supplements.

I want to be that sexy, but not classically perfect, guy who has an aura of strength about him... not just physical strength, but mental, emotional and spiritual strength. I want people to look at me and get the impression that what they see is only the "tip of the iceberg". I want to be one sexy witch! That's right, a sexy man of mystery, not in the James Bond way, but in the Guideon (from Babylon 5) way. I want my body to be an extension of a deeper power and beauty... not a glamour over a shallow shell of a man who thinks only of his image.

Yeah, I don't want much... but if it weren't a challenge, would it really something worth working towards?

Keeping on track is so F*cking HARD!

I've done really well for the first month of 2016. Sure, I had some snack attack moments and lazy days, but I've had more good days than bad, obviously, and the results are showing. Now comes the hard part... that razors edge between fear I'm going to fail (again) and complacency that I'm doing "so good" (giving me permission to cheat). And then there's the problem of the conflict between my intellectual goals and my emotional goals. Yeah, its complicated.

Intellectually I want to return to being physically healthy and fit. A pretty ambiguous goal, so lets quantify it a bit. I want to shift my body composition to under 16% body fat. I want to reduce my excess body mass so that what weight I do carry about is productive, not a hindrance. I want to strengthen my body such that I support my structure and protect myself from injury... and such that I can do most any activity I want to (from hiking a trail to splitting logs with a maul). I want to reduce my waist size so that I can fit back into 36" waist pants, which will make shopping SO MUCH EASIER! I want to improve muscle tone so that when I wear something that "body hints" (not hugs, or is a 2nd skin) that I move with a physicality that leaves no doubt that though I'm not a "fitness model" I can handle myself and life from a place of strength. I want to lower my cholesterol and my blood pressure to my pre-40s levels.

Emotionally, all that is bullshit. I want to be able to peel of my shirt and turn heads. I want people to look at me and think I'm in my early 30s not late 40s. I want to get those second glances, not because I'm the "pretty boy" I was when I was younger (and though I didn't admit it, I was one of the pretty boys) but because I look like a "hunky man". I don't want to be a kid, I want to be one of those mature guys people look to and say "I want to be like him". I want to look in the mirror and feel like a f*cking boss! I want to be able to break some foul-mouthed shit in half, not that I -would-, but just knowing I could and others believing it is awesome (and I used to exist in that reality). Yeah, I want to look in the mirror and confidently say "I'd do me".

That's pretty pathetic. I am 47 years old and I have the same emotional obsession with being the "hot guy" as I had at 17. I keep telling myself that my intellectual goals are realistic, that they are mature and honest, and for the most part they are. But what's driving me? WHY am I trying to make these changes... no one is DRIVEN by intellectual reasons. Even pure academics push into the unknown not from the intellectual rewards, but from some emotional need that is tied to their intellect, the high of being right, the stubborn need to never give up, whatever... in the end it is our EMOTIONS that drive us, not our intellect. Our intellect gives us the means to achieve, but our emotions provide the fuel/power/force to get us there.

Can a 47 year old guy really accomplish something meaningful fueling it with 17 year old emotions? More importantly, SHOULD HE? I have shaken my head at and criticized friends who kept trying to fuel their lives from some adolescent need... being frozen at some younger time in their lives and always trying to "get back to" that point when they thought their were at their peak. How do I mature my desires without losing the fire of youth? I'm not sure yet... but I suppose that's the whole thing about self improvement & self discovery... its a journey, not a destination...

from www.spiritpond.com

One Month Down, 7 to go!

This week was the reverse of last week, I lost weight but my waist and body fat measurements remained constant. I find that they seem to take turns. My January fitness goals were to lose 10 lbs, 2" off waist, and 4% body fat. Didn't quite achieve that... I lost 9 lbs, shaved 1.5" off waist, and reduced 3% body fat.

My inner critic is trying to flog me about the inability to achieve such basic goals... I'd eaten more than I should, snacked too late on occasion, didn't exercise as intensely as I could have, blah blah yack!

However, my better self, the one that acknowledges my flaws but looks at them as opportunities, not failings, is deflecting most of my inner critic's bile. Because, lets face it, it isn't like I'm going to drop 70 lbs of fat, and 14" off my waist in a MONTH... I'm not going to go from chunk to hunk overnight. I'm not going to go from a puffer to a casual runner in a week. What is important is that I've been trying, and that my efforts have been consistent and rational. I haven't starved myself in response to a bad snacking choice, I haven't blown out my knees or back trying to "work off" my indiscretions, and I have been increasing duration and intensity of my workouts as I feel capable.

It wasn't a single bad decision which took me fro, a fit 190lb, 14% body fat 39 year old man to a 260lb, 43% body fat 47 year old man. It took 8 years of consistent, moderately poor choices (and some uncontrollable outside influences) which took me to this state of being. I could have change my course at any time, been more conscious, been more diligent. And dwelling upon "woulda-shoulda-coulda" will only distract from what I should-can-will do now. See the lessons, release the regrets... I already have the weight (baggage) of my physical results, no need to add on emotional and spiritual ones as well.

So, with all that in mind, assuming I can maintain my slow lifestyle changes to a healthier self, I should achieve my overt physical goals of 190lbs body weight at 14% body fat with a 35" waist line by the end of August. A great birthday present for myself!

Goals are more than measurements!

Like most everyone, I can obsess with the "numbers". I want to lose X pounds, I want to have a Y waistline, I want to get down to Z body fat. Objective goals are good, they are measurable and give you something both to reach for and something to track your progress by. But in the end, what do those numbers MEAN? Is losing X pounds actually going to make you healthier? Will you be satisfied with a Y waistline? Will you actually like what you see in the mirror at Z body composition? Will the lifestyle you will have to live to reach and maintain these measurements be worth it?

I believe in addition to the objectives of measurements, we need other objectives... accomplishments. These should be something verifiable... something concrete. Walking a mile without hurting knees or aching back. Climb 3 flights of stairs without breathing heavy. Hike a few hours with a daypack of food/water without fear of a knee giving out. Kayak to the store and back on the lake. Be able to do a forward fold and slide your palms under your feet so your toes touch your wrists without bending knees. These are goals which are both verifiable and actually bespeak a quality of life, not only in health but in attitude.

I think it is important to not only set goals of measurement, but goals of activity and lifestyle. Sometimes a goal, especially of activity or lifestyle, involves many more achievements than weight or waist size. That is why one of my goals is to be able to do "one handed peacock" pose by age 50!

One Handed Peacock Pose

A Hopeful Beginning!

Week 1 - 257lbs, 41% fat, 48.5" waist

I was a good, health conscious person this week. I didn't starve myself. I minimized my sugars and simple starches (but didn't eliminate them). I avoided drinking caloric fluids... most of my drinks were sparkling water infused with flavor and a touch of fruit juice. All my meals had significant fiber, protein and complex carbs. I had at least one fruit a day. I made it to the gym twice, and did yoga at home 5 times.

I am trying to arrange my day so I walk at least 5k steps outside of the gym, and then get another 3k on the track in the gym 3 days a week. My goal is to get to 7k of steps daily outside of the gym with 3-5k steps in the gym 3 days a week, and yoga daily by February.

I dropped 4 lbs, 2% BF (that's questionable), and 1/2" off the waist. My goal is to lose 3 lbs and 1/2" a week, which should result in a reduction of 6% body and 2" off the waist per month... so that by August I can hope to be under 20% body fat and under 36" waist :)

On to Week 2!

This year will be better!

So, with all good intentions, I went into 2015 believing I'd start taking control of my health. Sadly, between motorcycle accidents, recovery, stress-comfort-eating, and surgery I've slid further out of the "healthy body" zone than I ever have.

I now have 85 pounds of fat to lose, 14" to remove from my waistline, and 15 pounds of muscle to restore/recover/rebuild before I am back to a "healthy" weight/size/composition. That isn't a goal to look like a fitness model... I wouldn't even have ripped abs... but that'd put me at 190 lbs, 35" waist, 15% body fat. hmmm... what did I look like when those were my stats?

Oh Yeah, that's what I looked like!

I believe I can do this... in fact, I MUST do this... I can't allow my health to deteriorate any further... it isn't an issue of age (though that is a factor on the difficulty and the importance) but an issue of quality of life.

I started today!
I believe I can achieve this goal by September 2016.
So mote it be!

Eating for Body, Mind & Soul

So, two full weeks here at the lake and I haven't lost a single pound. I haven't gained, but I haven't lost. In truth, I am only averaging 4000 steps a day (according to my Fitbit) instead of the 10k I'm supposed to be walking, but I am far more active than I was prior to our arrival and I am still dealing with tiring more quickly since the accident. I am also eating too much. Fortunately, I am eating "well", as in food that is high quality, fresh, nutrient rich, and mostly local. I LOVE getting my foods from the local farmer's markets, etc. but I'm enjoying the local cheese options, local pie options, and local fruits far too freely.

Eating is something that should nourish as much of us as possible. Science will decree that for optimal health we should consume XYZ macronutrients in order to achieve optimal health -- preparation, local or non-local, natural or man-made ingredients are all immaterial factors to what is good for you. Science, however, simply doesn't know everything. I have found that foods created by a person, consciously and with intention, is nearly always more satisfying when eaten than equally well prepared industrial foods (Stouffer's, etc.). I have found packaged foods produced in smaller batches (like mircobrew beers), by people who are proud of their products, are more satisfying than their mega-alternatives (Coors, etc.).

Food, however, nourishes more than the body. I have found there are foods which make me clear of thought, happy, or calm. I have also had foods which seemed to stir and infuse my soul with energy and light. This is why we use food to change our moods, as part of spiritual practices, and as part of creative endeavors. It is also why we over eat, or eat what is not good for our bodies... we eat in an attempt to fill a mental, emotional or spiritual void in our lives.

One of my spiritual foods, odd as it seems, is peanut butter and chocolate. I LOVE peanut butter and chocolate, and believe that the dark chocolate peanut butter cup could be a food served in paradise. It has been one of my tacit commitments to find the best peanut butter cups in the world. I have tried so many... and there are some awesome dark chocolate peanut butter cups. Sadly, the makers of these delights are usually focused on either the chocolate or the peanut butter... seldom do they put equal attention to both sides of the equation. There are a few... Justin's is available at many health food stores and Starbucks, but even better are Nectar Nuggets.

Rebooting spiritual and well as physical fitness

So, I came across the works of Christopher Penczak last week while exploring a local book store and was intrigued. I've seldom seen writings, especially on metaphysical topics, which align with how I might approach a topic. Mr. Penczak's Temple series of books approaches the study of magic (from what I have skimmed prior to buying the books) much as I would, and his aligning each book with an element/quarter just makes my elementalist soul very happy.

Do I REALLY need another set of books on metaphysical studies? Well, no. I am an initiated wiccan priest and have been studying/working magic since my late teens. But it would be the height of hubris for me to believe I have nothing left to learn. I expect a lot of this reading/study/practice will be review and revisiting of knowledge I gained a couple decades ago... but I hope from a new and insightful perspective which will give me the opportunity to fill out my knowledge/skills.

From what I can tell, these are each 1 year courses... so to get through all this properly it may take 4 years. We'll see. If a large section of the material is review, it may go faster.

Some day I may actually manage a full lotus! It is a worthy goal!

A physical barrier to progress...

The good news is that my flexibility is returning extremely fast with the practice of daily yoga. For that I am so very grateful... unfortunately, my 7 years of "packing on the pounds" has left me with another obstacle to my goals... a physical obstacle... adipose tissue known as "the gut". My flexibility is to a point that I can stretch, reach, fold further than my excess body tissues can allow. I literally collide with my fat as I reach for my toes or try to do a forward fold.

Still, I must give thanks to my body for recovering and regenerating faster than the doctors thought possible. My family doctor is less surprised and more of the attitude that I am healing the way "everyone should" if people were to take control of their healing instead of expecting to be healed by others (or depending upon medication to do it all). I suppose that's the advantage of having been a personal trainer, a yoga instructor, and a massage therapist in my varied and eccentric past. I am delighted to be able to do warrior poses again, and being able to do modified planks and table and so on.

Ending my relationship with "the gut", or specifically, establishing a healthier relationship with my gut, is not a simple task. It isn't like I can just say "it isn't working out" and abandon the relationship. We are tied together, literally, and have to find a healthy way to exist as one whole entity that loves and honors itself. That means I can't look at my belly with LOATHING and expect to achieve wondrous changes. Hate does not make for healthy self identity. So I have to look at this oversized midsection of mine and realize it is what I made of it... it has served the purpose of protecting and insulating me from the stresses of my chosen lifestyle. I must now find better ways to deal with the challenges in my life so I don't dump all of it on my body.

Yoga is more than asanas... and being healthy is more than a lean body. I've got so much recovery to do... and not just from accident injuries!

One posture at a time

Warrior 1 on the beach, 2005.

Weight loss is important, but lifestyle and comfort and ability are more important. I have returned to daily yoga... only 15-30 minutes a day, and I can't do inversions or positions which stress the wrists or shoulder, but I am DOING yoga. I want to be able to reach and tie my shoes comfortably and easily. I want to go up and down stairs without hip twinges, ankle aches, or heavy breathing. I want to be able to grab a bottle and twist off the cap without gritting my teeth and struggling.

Reverse Warrior on the beach, 2005.

I want to be able to enjoy the strength, vitality and power of my body again. I look at photos of myself a decade ago, effortlessly doing yoga in the waves. No, I wasn't "model body" but there really wasn't anything to complain about. I was strong, energetic, flexible. Yet I thought of myself as "fat". Amazing the power of thoughts to shape our realities... I thought of myself as fat for so long that I finally matched my body to my mental image of myself.

So now I have to use the same magic that brought me here, to take me where I want to be. I am a valuable, strong, healthy person. I will think that, and be that. I will have to have patience, it took a decade to go from a beach body to a beach-ball body... it will take time and effort, physical, mental and emotional, but I can become the person I really want to be!

Goals are like a Compass...

...though I wish they were more like a GPS!

A goal points us in a direction and gives us something to look toward on the journey of life. Without goals, we wander aimlessly and only by chance do we get anywhere (figuratively and otherwise). With a goal in mind, we can strive to accomplish -- we can see ahead, usually far enough to realize we will have to cross rivers or climb mountains or cross deserts. Goals allow us to prepare for obstacles... unfortunately, they don't also convey the best route to travel on the way.

The thing about goals is that there are usually several ways to achieve them. For some, climbing the mountain is no challenge at all, while to others it is an insurmountable obstacle -- yet winding along a treacherous river bank may be quite doable. It is also important to pick goals that are near enough that they can be reached in a finite period of time with a measured amount of effort -- aiming for the stars may result in great achievements, but on the way we have many shorter legs of the journey to complete.

I have chosen my first "goal" on the way to my star of "best health, fitness and appearance I can achieve". I will bust below the 200lbs of weight barrier and tighten below the 38" waist size barrier by Autumn Equinox (Sept 20-22). I will set my next goal once I have achieved this first leg on my journey!

Upping my Intensity

calories burned after 30 min on elliptical

In my thirties, especially between 30 and 35, I'd been in my prime. Lean, muscular, and active both in the gym and outside of it. Some time between 30 and 40 that came to an end; I ate more out of stress or rushed need than for providing myself something delicious and fulfilling. I'd become dissatisfied with my life, but it wasn't until I gave up my "old life" and returned to school at age 39 that I started taking positive steps to correct this. However, being a college student in his 40s with a family to support did not eleviate my stress or cause me to think more of my physical health... I had to get my education and find a new job.

I did graduate, and I did secure a job (a discussion best left for another post), but I did not do very well on the healthy lifestyle. I spent the first year after graduation struggling with my new vocation, and building community and some semblance of a social life beyond being a university employee. I was not completely remiss during all this... I had my gym membership and used it sporatically... my wife and I have adjusted our eating habits; though we've found that portion control and conscious eating to be a challenge -- still, we made progress.

I've never been one to succumb to the intense fitness routines and extreme diets so many people use to achieve rapid results. I know that if I don't maintain that rigor, if I approach my change as a temporary thing to achieve a short term goal, then after I've achieved that goal I will return to my prior habits with the same long term results.

3sets x 10reps
hammer curls & shoulder press

So I've always taken a "moderate" approach to my exercising. If it isn't something I can maintain for the long term I wasn't going to do it. However, that moderate commitment has had only "moderate" success. It has certainly kept me from becoming "unfit", but it has not allowed me to maintain a lean, strong, healthy body to the level I would prefer (yes, I do set my standards rather high). So, today, inspired by what a friend does as her "usual workout" (and she looks amazing; hi Kari), I realized that if I want to meet my own standards of physical health then I will need to live the lifestyle that will result in it. It isn't a matter of "everything in moderation" (for the 2nd part is "even moderation") but that I don't want to look back on my life and just be a "moderate success" or have done "okay." I want to look back and say, "hell yeah!" I don't want to spend the next 40+ years feeling like I haven't lived a life as well as my parents did. I want to be able to say I lived as well (and even better), in health, in happiness, and in accomplishment as my parents. I believe it would be a travesty if I could not build upon the excellent foundation they laid for my life.

So, today, I have chosen to "up the intensity" of my life. At the gym, in my career, and in my personal life I will "do it better." When I turned 40, I looked at myself and wondered "what have I done with my life?" When I turn 50, I want to look back and say "I've done a hell of a lot!" Yeah, that means I'll be sore physically, ache mentally, and may become exhausted emotionally at times -- but I won't be bored or disappointed!