This year will be better!

So, with all good intentions, I went into 2015 believing I'd start taking control of my health. Sadly, between motorcycle accidents, recovery, stress-comfort-eating, and surgery I've slid further out of the "healthy body" zone than I ever have.

I now have 85 pounds of fat to lose, 14" to remove from my waistline, and 15 pounds of muscle to restore/recover/rebuild before I am back to a "healthy" weight/size/composition. That isn't a goal to look like a fitness model... I wouldn't even have ripped abs... but that'd put me at 190 lbs, 35" waist, 15% body fat. hmmm... what did I look like when those were my stats?

Oh Yeah, that's what I looked like!

I believe I can do this... in fact, I MUST do this... I can't allow my health to deteriorate any further... it isn't an issue of age (though that is a factor on the difficulty and the importance) but an issue of quality of life.

I started today!
I believe I can achieve this goal by September 2016.
So mote it be!

Eating for Body, Mind & Soul

So, two full weeks here at the lake and I haven't lost a single pound. I haven't gained, but I haven't lost. In truth, I am only averaging 4000 steps a day (according to my Fitbit) instead of the 10k I'm supposed to be walking, but I am far more active than I was prior to our arrival and I am still dealing with tiring more quickly since the accident. I am also eating too much. Fortunately, I am eating "well", as in food that is high quality, fresh, nutrient rich, and mostly local. I LOVE getting my foods from the local farmer's markets, etc. but I'm enjoying the local cheese options, local pie options, and local fruits far too freely.

Eating is something that should nourish as much of us as possible. Science will decree that for optimal health we should consume XYZ macronutrients in order to achieve optimal health -- preparation, local or non-local, natural or man-made ingredients are all immaterial factors to what is good for you. Science, however, simply doesn't know everything. I have found that foods created by a person, consciously and with intention, is nearly always more satisfying when eaten than equally well prepared industrial foods (Stouffer's, etc.). I have found packaged foods produced in smaller batches (like mircobrew beers), by people who are proud of their products, are more satisfying than their mega-alternatives (Coors, etc.).

Food, however, nourishes more than the body. I have found there are foods which make me clear of thought, happy, or calm. I have also had foods which seemed to stir and infuse my soul with energy and light. This is why we use food to change our moods, as part of spiritual practices, and as part of creative endeavors. It is also why we over eat, or eat what is not good for our bodies... we eat in an attempt to fill a mental, emotional or spiritual void in our lives.

One of my spiritual foods, odd as it seems, is peanut butter and chocolate. I LOVE peanut butter and chocolate, and believe that the dark chocolate peanut butter cup could be a food served in paradise. It has been one of my tacit commitments to find the best peanut butter cups in the world. I have tried so many... and there are some awesome dark chocolate peanut butter cups. Sadly, the makers of these delights are usually focused on either the chocolate or the peanut butter... seldom do they put equal attention to both sides of the equation. There are a few... Justin's is available at many health food stores and Starbucks, but even better are Nectar Nuggets.

Regular physical activity doesn't preclude therapy...

The last two weeks I have been fairly active, but I have not been doing my yoga or concentrated therapy on my shoulder/wrist/thumb. I realize, much to my chagrin, that this is the precise trap so many people fall into who end up having only marginal or limited recoveries. It is great that I am being physically active, doing assorted construction tasks, etc. however, though keeping active is always beneficial to health, it does NOT replace therapy and specific practices like yoga, etc.

I have no desire to be caught in that trap. I wish I'd realized I was falling into it earlier, but better now than later. So I have worked on my shoulder and thumb tonight... tomorrow I'll be doing my first yoga since arriving in Maine. I must also do some rehab from a slip I had on the stairs a few days ago... no, I didn't fall down them, but I did have to grab quickly at railing/support and strained my shoulder in the process. Ah well, two steps forward... one step back is still going forward.

I have not lost the weight I would have liked in the last couple weeks. I know part of the problem was the 2 days of travel, sitting on my ass for 22 hours and having to eat what we could find on the way (aka. shit-fast-food). We have been eating well up here, as we always do, but the portions have been a bit larger than they should (the food is just so GOOOOOD). I haven't backtracked, thank the gods, but I haven't progressed either.

This too shall pass. I have added chaga-tea to my daily regimen. This has already begun helping with my aches, and it has also begun to influence my digestion... I hope all the additional removal of toxins/waste materials will start showing tangible (aka, scale/tape measure) results.

Another challenge to studying my progress is that my beloved Tanita scale has finally lost its little digital mind... we have had to replace it with a more modern, sophisticated scale... and as is typical, they don't read exactly the same. I really am not concerned as to whether the 242 or 243 is correct, I just want to have trackable results... so now I have to wait until my weight on the new scale reduces down to what my weight on the old scale was, then I can start tracking progress again -- such a bore.

I also need to get back to my spiritual practices... that will partly be fulfilled through yoga-meditation, and some by my art, but I need my "sacred space" in which to do ritual... that is, as yet, not available because it is being built into our new room. So much to do to bring fullness back to my life... and during all this, I must remember to take time to LIVE, and be AWARE, and APPRECIATE the process.

Blessings and Escapes

Sometimes it takes a true shock to the system to get you to really rethink your life. A month ago I was in a very SERIOUS motorcycle accident. Compound fractured thumb, dislocated shoulder, torn nose, torn up foot, lots of road rash, and as yet undetermined damage to ITB and thigh still hidden under a huge hematoma. I've never been an invalid before, EVER. Even my 2013 encounter with a light-running SUV was not as damaging as this "simple" laydown of my bike in gravel. Being unable to care-for, do-for myself was a nightmare. The experience left me with nightmares, fits of weeping, and a real intimate understanding of my fears.

I'm now on the mend, the orthopedist is amazed at my rate of recovery... says I'm a month ahead of where he thought I'd be. That's great, but I still have months of rehab, therapy and possible surgeries to return me to "fully functional". It is daunting... discouraging... and I can see why and how constant low level pain, with occasional zaps of acute pain, can leave someone unable to cope and unwilling to push ahead. Pain zaps the very energy you use to fight the pain, making it even harder to accomplish things that were once "no problem" to do... no wonder people get addicted to pain killers.

My mutant-healing factor has kicked in, but my body warns me this is the "last freebie" I'm getting. I've neglected, abused, poisoned, and debilitated my body's health and wellness over the last 6 years. I've been told POINT BLANK by my body that I can either do right by it, attend to its needs nutritionally, physically, and spiritually, or it will fail the next time I put it up against an injury or other extreme challenge. I have come to realize I love my body... I do not love what I've done to it, but I love being able to "do", to be able to meet challenges, and to be able to rest and actually feel "comfortable" in my skin. Right now my body can't do... I've done too much damage... not from the accident, but from the years of neglect.

So, since my accident I've been paying close attention to what my body tells me. I'm doing what I can to heal it, not only from my injuries but from my neglect. Yoga, right eating, time for self healing and time for friends and fun... creativity expressed, and love given and received.

Yep, another reboot...

Not this week, but maybe this year! (with padding)

In the Dark of the Year

In reviewing my stats over the last several years I now see a cyclical pattern in my health and fitness efforts. I have my greatest success and progress during May through August, but then back slide terribly from about October through March. In perfect sync with my school schedule.

I am a stress eater... and my body retains fat as a protective measure during times of stress (a double wammy). Add that during the school semester my eating schedule is inconsistent and I have little to no regular exercise, plus the holidays, and I generally find myself heavier and weaker as the year cycle turns over. Bad state of affairs all about.

So, what to do?

I know what to do, I've known for nearly 20 years what to do and for about 10 of those 20 I actually used that knowledge and did what I needed to stay healthy and fit. The last 10 years have not been so successful... with age adding to the challenges faced when striving to maintain a healthy body weight and muscle mass... and now I'm one of those guys who is all "used to be" and no longer "is" an impressively healthy man who is acknowledged as such (especially by himself).

Oh, the solution is quite simple. Just DO IT... very Nike of me, no? However, the "doing" of it, consistently, even when life is chaotic, work demands are outrageous, and social life is the pits, can be very difficult to manage. Now, my mother would say "all you need to do is decide to do it, and do it." Of course, even with all her incredible determination and will power, she has not manage to maintain the physical size/shape/fitness she desires. Oh, it can be done, but it means not "dieting" or "exercising" but actually "living" the healthy life style... that means putting one's health before other things like "the job" or "the family" or such... not that one neglects those things, but that you can't allow them to be obstacles to living a healthy life.

So the real question is... am I willing to "live the healthy life".

The answer to that is a bit more complex... as it requires facing inner demons and unloading a lot of emotional baggage... we shall see.

Like water against stone!

First week of "healthier lifestyle" accomplished. 

I refuse to say "survived the first week of the diet" because I'm not doing a "diet" or some "weight loss routine". I am consciously and deliberately striving to change my habits such that I wash away the unwanted and unhealthy from my life. Right now, I'm focusing on habits to restore my body to health, with a little bit of mental/emotional/spiritual restoration as well.

There are two ways to approach holistic health. One is "top down", when you begin by connecting with your spiritual strength and bring that back through your mind and heart to your body for healing and wholeness. The other is "bottom up", where you use your healing of the body to heal your emotions, mind and connect to spirit. Usually, neither approach is absolutely one directional... but is bidirectional. You may focus on body work or spirit work, but as you work on one, if you're truly striving to heal all, you approach the center from both directions.

Just as I overburdened myself with physical, emotional and mental weight a little bit every day for years, so I must clear away the detritus of my poor life choices.

Okay, okay... enough waxing philosophical... on to the "vital statistics"

This week my body weight is down 3 pounds, body composition is down 1% body fat, reduced a half inch off the waist.

Groundhog Day

I feel like I've been in a continual state of "reboot" since my last entry in July 2011. I try to get a control of my schedule, my activities, my eating... struggle with it for a few weeks, or even a couple months, then it all collapses and I go into a cycle of over eating, no exercise, lots of stress. Sound familiar? Yeah, this isn't a very original story is it?

So, July 1st 2012, I am starting yet AGAIN... with a waistline larger than ever (42.5") and weight even higher (224lbs) than I have had in my life. It is depressing, and more than a bit daunting.

So, what am I doing this time?  I am trying to return to yoga -- embrace it as a lifestyle, not just an exercise program. I'm enjoying the challenge of The Ultimate Yogi Program, and hope that if I can make it a habit, by Fall I won't so easily drop it as soon as my schedule fills up.

Try, Try again :)