Honest Goals for Real Health

Model: Jim Newman

So, lets be honest. I'd LOVE to look like a fitness model who has spent his life eating right, exercising for 2+ hours a day, and makes kids 20 years younger than him turn their heads in awe. I'd LOVE that... if I could have it without having to work out 2+ hours a day, and have to calculate every nutritional value of anything going into my mouth, and not have to have a full time job that in no way supports the fitness lifestyle in order to keep a roof over my head. I like physical activity, I enjoy hiking and walking and bike riding and swimming and yoga. I don't like prolonged, intense, repetitive physical activity which serves no purpose beyond "shaping me to look good". I don't enjoy having to plan the other 22 hours of my day around the "gym".

Also, I'm not 29 anymore. I'm not even 39 anymore. I'm 49. The last gasp before I complete my first half-century. Though one can be healthy, strong, and happy at 50 (or 90 for that matter) it is delusional to think you can look, feel and be the same kind of healthy, strong and happy at age 50 that you had the ability to be at age 25. An extra 25 years of wear and tear and stress and LIFE will change body, mind and soul. This is not a BAD thing, it is "a thing". We can minimize the negative impacts of age and stay healthy, strong and happy for our entire lives... but even the fittest person of 50 would never claim they could look or feel the same as a fit person of 25. So why do we seem to think we can "go back to..." when the laws of biology, psychology and physics all claim otherwise?

What I NEED is to be healthy for my age... without excessive mass, with cardiovascular strength and endurance, with flexibility and muscular strength, with good bone density, with skin that doesn't tear or bruise from casual impacts. What I WANT is all of that, to be comfortable in my body and to look good too. But what that "looks like", what is a reasonable goal for a lifestyle that does not orbit my time at the gym and protein shakes? That is where a healthy outlook, honest goals, real achievable health, is important.

For me, I believe I can achieve something close to the physical appearance of actor/models like Jim Newman. Looking great, obviously healthy and fit, but also obviously doesn't spend his whole life involved in workouts and eating steamed chicken breasts. His hair is thinning, his skin has appropriate life marks, and his very appealing musculature shows that gravity does impact your body over time, and his core is solid without looking like he's starved himself. That is real. And, frankly, that is a physicality that is both incredibly attractive and approachable... even, dare I say it, Cuddly.

So, there it is... a visual representation of what I've striving to become. I think it is reasonable... save that I can't grow a full beard, never could... so goatee will have to do ;)

Yoga tells you the truths you try to ignore.

There is nothing like having your body announce, "Yo! Dude! You've got some serious shit you've been ignoring!"

That is what my body's been saying for the past two days as I've returned to the yoga mat. I am bound up from head to toe, which is not surprising considering the level of stress and lack of exercise I've lived with for the past couple years. What I hadn't realized was just how constricted, inflexible, and uncomfortable my pelvis has become.

So, what does that mean? Time for laxatives? In a sense, yes, but more of mental/emotional/spiritual flexibility exercises more than a need for a bowel movement. I've tightened up so badly that it is clear that it is a miracle I can still "manifest" ANYTHING in my life. From personal power, to creativity, to community, my ability to bring about change in the world has been pinched down to near nil.

The rule "as above, so below" applies here, in that the body reflects what is happening on a spiritual level. Fortunately, with mindful practice, yoga can invert that rule and influence what is above by working with what is below... i.e. if I work mindfully to open the physical areas of the chakras, the chakras will be positively influenced.

In truth, I probably need some help with this... an energy practitioner who can work on my chakras and meridians from "above" while I work on them from "below". I am always cautious about doing such things for a couple reasons... first, trust... not only trust of the intentions of the other (allowing myself to open to them) but also trust in the actual skill/ability/experience/wisdom of the other practitioner -- I find the average energy worker to be flakey mc snowflake. UGH! Second, determination... I've dealt with too many people who have used energy work/healing as an excuse not to do the physical work to solve their problems. I don't want to be one of those people who cast spells to lose weight while chowing down on box after box of krispy kremes. I MUST do the work, and I don't want to be lulled into complacency by the euphoria which can accompany powerful energy work.

So, my goal for the next 6 weeks for physical fitness? YOGA! I'm just going to do it morning and night, increasing the intensity and duration as my body/mind recovers/returns to health.

Aligning Goals with your true power

The first step in any successful attempt at conscious self-change (hopefully improvement) is the idea of change. This resides in the mind, empowered by the 6th chakra. Most people stop at this point, spending their time thinking about self-change but going no further.

The second step is to communicate that thought to yourself. Yes, that sounds weird, but it is important that we take the idea of change and communicate it effectively to ourselves if we are to succeed in manifesting change. In other words, we empower our desire with the 5th chakra in order to move forward.

We must then embrace change. Emotionally we must accept and empower the self-change. This is all about desire and acceptance and is the province of the 4th chakra.

We must empower change. This is the first time we must do something in the physical world about our self-change. We must find the time, the commitment, the effort, etc. to bring about change. This is where thought and desire is merged with action.

We must then manifest change. This is the hardest yet most natural aspect of self-change. We must CHANGE.

Finally, we must ground our change. We must turn our change from a temporary state to a long term state... we must make the change a part of our foundations.

Only by doing all of this can we bring about self-change... is it any wonder so many of us fail to do so?

Well, the plateau has shifted slightly... am now down to 250lbs and under 47" waist. Yay! That's about 12 lbs and 2 inches in about 7 weeks. I'd have preferred 14/3 but progress is progress. My wife is asking "so, how long are you going to keep wearing those oversized jeans?" (they are size 46) My response is, "Once I am under 46, I will swap down to my 44s. Once I'm under 44 I'll swap down to 42s, etc." I hate the fact that these days men's pants are no longer reliable as far as sizing is concerned. So annoying!

Stepping it up!

A week of solid Plateau. No weight loss, no fat loss, and no waist size reduction. My body has finished shifting to the changes of the previous month, and, ever efficient, it now requires but I increase intensity and change up my routine. So today I upped my game (a little). Instead of just walking the track, I did several sprints... OUCH... sprinting at 250lbs is shin-splint agony! I also swapped from doing machine (safe, stabilized weights) lifting to doing full body movements with dumbbells. Going from a push-up, to a squat, to bent-over-row, to bicep curls, to shoulder press, and cycle down. UGH... that's a quick full body flush, sweat pump.

Back to really being focused on my eating (no second helpings, no eating after 8pm, drink at least 64oz water). And YOGA! Really, I just gotta do it!

Everyone is telling me I look "lighter", which is sweet... and I'm sure I do look lighter than I did at the end of 2015... I'm about 10lbs lighter, etc. so YAY that it shows. I can also tell I can do more exercise at higher intensity that I could a month ago. I am improving, I am attaining goals... just have to keep going!

Recipes for Healthy Carbing!

High Protein Brown Bread

3 cups flour (1.5c unbleached bread, 1c heritage wheat, .5c teff flour)
.125 cup pecan meal
.125 cup almond meal
2 tbs benefiber
1 scoop chocolate protein powder
.125 cup powdered milk
.25 cup coconut sugar
1 tsp salt
1 tbs active yeast
1 cup warm water
.25 cup rolled oats
.125 cup oil/butter
1 egg

Put dry ingredients from flour to salt into large food processor (have dough blade installed). Run processor for a few turns to mix the dry ingredients.

Wisp yeast, rolled oats and a spoon full of the mixed dry ingredients into the warm water and let sit for 5 minutes to proof.

Add oil/butter, egg and liquid mix to dry ingredients.

Run processor at dough speed until mixture forms sticky ball. If after 30 seconds ball doesn't form and dough is too sticky, add flour in 1/8 cup amounts until ball forms. Let dough circle the bowl 10 times after ball forms. Let dough rest for 5 minutes, then run processor again so dough circles bowl 5 times. Let rest for 5 minutes, run processor again for 5 more circles of the bowl.

Oil a large mixing bowl. Remove dough from processor and shape into ball by hand. Roll the ball about the greased bowl surface to coat dough. Cover and set in a warm space. Leave for first rise.

When dough is about double size (45 min - 2 hrs), fold a few times and reshape into ball. Leave in bowl again for second rise.

When dough is about double size again (about an hour), fold and shape dough. Put into oiled bread pan(s). Leave in warm place to rise.

When loaf has risen sufficiently (depends upon size/shape of pan, but about 1 hr) preheat oven to 450F. Place a roasting pan or iron skillet on lower rack during preheat.

Put loaf into oven, toss half a cup of water into pan/skillet and close oven to trap in steam. Let bake for 5 minutes then turn oven down to 375F. Bake for 25 more minutes, then cover top of loaf with tin foil to prevent over browning. Bake another 15 minutes.

Finished bread should have a hollow sound when tapped.

Flax and Wheat Sandwich Bread

3 cups flour (1c unbleached bread, 1c heritage wheat, .5c oat flour, .5c barley flour)
.25 cup flax meal
1 tsp salt
1 tbs active yeast
.25 cup maple syrup
.75 cup warm milk
.125 cup oil/butter
1 egg

Put dry ingredients from flour to salt into large food processor (have dough blade installed). Run processor for a few turns to mix the dry ingredients.

Wisp yeast, maple syrup and a spoon full of the mixed dry ingredients into the warm milk and let sit for 5 minutes to proof.

Add oil/butter, egg and liquid mix to dry ingredients.

Run processor at dough speed until mixture forms sticky ball. If after 30 seconds ball doesn't form and dough is too sticky, add flour in 1/8 cup amounts until ball forms. Let dough circle the bowl 10 times after ball forms. Let dough rest for 5 minutes, then run processor again so dough circles bowl 5 times. Let rest for 5 minutes, run processor again for 5 more circles of the bowl.

Oil a large mixing bowl. Remove dough from processor and shape into ball by hand. Roll the ball about the greased bowl surface to coat dough. Cover and set in a warm space. Leave for first rise.

When dough is about double size (45 min - 2 hrs), fold a few times and reshape into ball. Leave in bowl again for second rise.

When dough is about double size again (about an hour), fold and shape dough. Put into oiled bread pan(s). Leave in warm place to rise.

When loaf has risen sufficiently (depends upon size/shape of pan, but about 1 hr) preheat oven to 450F. Place a roasting pan or iron skillet on lower rack during preheat.

Put loaf into oven, toss half a cup of water into pan/skillet and close oven to trap in steam. Let bake for 5 minutes then turn oven down to 375F. Bake for 25 more minutes, then cover top of loaf with tin foil to prevent over browning. Bake another 15 minutes.

Finished bread should have a hollow sound when tapped.

Plateaus are a B*tch!

So, I wasn't as diligent with my eating this week. I admit it. I didn't make sure I ate BEFORE 8pm each day. I did good on my calories but was pushing 2000 a day instead of staying at 1500. I had more carbs than I should but most of those were complex so not as bad as they could have been. Still, I'd expected to lose A POUND... but no, not an ounce.

I could rant and rave and gnash my teeth and complain about the unfairness of life... that'd be fun, but not very productive. Instead, I can happily report that though I didn't drop any weight, my body composition shifted another 1% body fat (less), and my waistline reduced another 1/4-1/2". This is a familiar pattern from back in my 30s when I kept so much trimmer... I would have 2-3 weeks of weight loss, then it would pause as everything "shifts about", and then I'd drop weight again. So this isn't like I don't recognize the pattern... but I still want it all now, without the hard work, patience, and persistence it takes to change habits and health.

Okay, enough kvetching. I still have a few thousand steps to do today!

What kinda sexy do I wanna be?

All self recrimination and attempts to "rise above" my baser impulses aside. If I'm going to be saddled with the 17 year old need to "be damn sexy", that should be defined. Do I want that lean, ripped, adonis belted body of a 20-something skater dude? Uh, no. Do I want to be built like Captain America or Thor from the Avenger's movies? Nope. None of that ever was or ever would be what I'd aspire to be. Don't get me wrong, they're hot as hell and I'd do them in a heart beat (okay, not the 20-something dude... that's creepy). But I have never actually envisioned myself that way.

The kind of attractiveness I am going for is more than the physical beauty of my ideal body. Sure, I want to be strong, lean, and most definitely a force of nature... but that doesn't mean bodybuilder or gym body. I want the body of a man who is physically active, strong, healthy, virile, and REAL. Yeah, you heard me right, REAL! As in looks like he exists outside of the gym and eats something other than protein shakes and creatine supplements.

I want to be that sexy, but not classically perfect, guy who has an aura of strength about him... not just physical strength, but mental, emotional and spiritual strength. I want people to look at me and get the impression that what they see is only the "tip of the iceberg". I want to be one sexy witch! That's right, a sexy man of mystery, not in the James Bond way, but in the Guideon (from Babylon 5) way. I want my body to be an extension of a deeper power and beauty... not a glamour over a shallow shell of a man who thinks only of his image.

Yeah, I don't want much... but if it weren't a challenge, would it really something worth working towards?

Keeping on track is so F*cking HARD!

I've done really well for the first month of 2016. Sure, I had some snack attack moments and lazy days, but I've had more good days than bad, obviously, and the results are showing. Now comes the hard part... that razors edge between fear I'm going to fail (again) and complacency that I'm doing "so good" (giving me permission to cheat). And then there's the problem of the conflict between my intellectual goals and my emotional goals. Yeah, its complicated.

Intellectually I want to return to being physically healthy and fit. A pretty ambiguous goal, so lets quantify it a bit. I want to shift my body composition to under 16% body fat. I want to reduce my excess body mass so that what weight I do carry about is productive, not a hindrance. I want to strengthen my body such that I support my structure and protect myself from injury... and such that I can do most any activity I want to (from hiking a trail to splitting logs with a maul). I want to reduce my waist size so that I can fit back into 36" waist pants, which will make shopping SO MUCH EASIER! I want to improve muscle tone so that when I wear something that "body hints" (not hugs, or is a 2nd skin) that I move with a physicality that leaves no doubt that though I'm not a "fitness model" I can handle myself and life from a place of strength. I want to lower my cholesterol and my blood pressure to my pre-40s levels.

Emotionally, all that is bullshit. I want to be able to peel of my shirt and turn heads. I want people to look at me and think I'm in my early 30s not late 40s. I want to get those second glances, not because I'm the "pretty boy" I was when I was younger (and though I didn't admit it, I was one of the pretty boys) but because I look like a "hunky man". I don't want to be a kid, I want to be one of those mature guys people look to and say "I want to be like him". I want to look in the mirror and feel like a f*cking boss! I want to be able to break some foul-mouthed shit in half, not that I -would-, but just knowing I could and others believing it is awesome (and I used to exist in that reality). Yeah, I want to look in the mirror and confidently say "I'd do me".

That's pretty pathetic. I am 47 years old and I have the same emotional obsession with being the "hot guy" as I had at 17. I keep telling myself that my intellectual goals are realistic, that they are mature and honest, and for the most part they are. But what's driving me? WHY am I trying to make these changes... no one is DRIVEN by intellectual reasons. Even pure academics push into the unknown not from the intellectual rewards, but from some emotional need that is tied to their intellect, the high of being right, the stubborn need to never give up, whatever... in the end it is our EMOTIONS that drive us, not our intellect. Our intellect gives us the means to achieve, but our emotions provide the fuel/power/force to get us there.

Can a 47 year old guy really accomplish something meaningful fueling it with 17 year old emotions? More importantly, SHOULD HE? I have shaken my head at and criticized friends who kept trying to fuel their lives from some adolescent need... being frozen at some younger time in their lives and always trying to "get back to" that point when they thought their were at their peak. How do I mature my desires without losing the fire of youth? I'm not sure yet... but I suppose that's the whole thing about self improvement & self discovery... its a journey, not a destination...

from www.spiritpond.com

One Month Down, 7 to go!

This week was the reverse of last week, I lost weight but my waist and body fat measurements remained constant. I find that they seem to take turns. My January fitness goals were to lose 10 lbs, 2" off waist, and 4% body fat. Didn't quite achieve that... I lost 9 lbs, shaved 1.5" off waist, and reduced 3% body fat.

My inner critic is trying to flog me about the inability to achieve such basic goals... I'd eaten more than I should, snacked too late on occasion, didn't exercise as intensely as I could have, blah blah yack!

However, my better self, the one that acknowledges my flaws but looks at them as opportunities, not failings, is deflecting most of my inner critic's bile. Because, lets face it, it isn't like I'm going to drop 70 lbs of fat, and 14" off my waist in a MONTH... I'm not going to go from chunk to hunk overnight. I'm not going to go from a puffer to a casual runner in a week. What is important is that I've been trying, and that my efforts have been consistent and rational. I haven't starved myself in response to a bad snacking choice, I haven't blown out my knees or back trying to "work off" my indiscretions, and I have been increasing duration and intensity of my workouts as I feel capable.

It wasn't a single bad decision which took me fro, a fit 190lb, 14% body fat 39 year old man to a 260lb, 43% body fat 47 year old man. It took 8 years of consistent, moderately poor choices (and some uncontrollable outside influences) which took me to this state of being. I could have change my course at any time, been more conscious, been more diligent. And dwelling upon "woulda-shoulda-coulda" will only distract from what I should-can-will do now. See the lessons, release the regrets... I already have the weight (baggage) of my physical results, no need to add on emotional and spiritual ones as well.

So, with all that in mind, assuming I can maintain my slow lifestyle changes to a healthier self, I should achieve my overt physical goals of 190lbs body weight at 14% body fat with a 35" waist line by the end of August. A great birthday present for myself!

Goals are more than measurements!

Like most everyone, I can obsess with the "numbers". I want to lose X pounds, I want to have a Y waistline, I want to get down to Z body fat. Objective goals are good, they are measurable and give you something both to reach for and something to track your progress by. But in the end, what do those numbers MEAN? Is losing X pounds actually going to make you healthier? Will you be satisfied with a Y waistline? Will you actually like what you see in the mirror at Z body composition? Will the lifestyle you will have to live to reach and maintain these measurements be worth it?

I believe in addition to the objectives of measurements, we need other objectives... accomplishments. These should be something verifiable... something concrete. Walking a mile without hurting knees or aching back. Climb 3 flights of stairs without breathing heavy. Hike a few hours with a daypack of food/water without fear of a knee giving out. Kayak to the store and back on the lake. Be able to do a forward fold and slide your palms under your feet so your toes touch your wrists without bending knees. These are goals which are both verifiable and actually bespeak a quality of life, not only in health but in attitude.

I think it is important to not only set goals of measurement, but goals of activity and lifestyle. Sometimes a goal, especially of activity or lifestyle, involves many more achievements than weight or waist size. That is why one of my goals is to be able to do "one handed peacock" pose by age 50!

One Handed Peacock Pose

Still Making Progress

The challenge of losing weight and getting healthy is to be consistent and to not become discouraged if your OVERT progress is not as phenomenal as desired. This week is a perfect example. Due to weather and "life concerns", I only made it to the gym once this week. It was, in fact, one of my better workout days, but was "only once". I am a bit bummed about that, though I intend to do some home yoga to compensate a little.

When I weighed in today I had only lost "1 pound" for the week (7 in 3 weeks). It is my hope to lose 10 lbs a month, and it looks like I'll only hit 8-9 this month. That being said, I don't depend upon my "weight" alone as the deciding factor in my measurement of success. In addition to the 1 lb, I shaved another 1/2" off my waist and what appears to be another a reduction of another 1% body fat. That would put my total since New Years at -7 lbs weight, -1.5 inches waist size, -3% body fat. These results seem fairly reasonable as I've found 5lbs of body fat equals approximately 1" of waist size, and a reduction of 7 lbs from my starting weight is about 2.7% of my body mass, which leads me to think I've lost 8 lbs of fat and put on a pound of muscle.

So, at present, these shifts are not very noticeable, in my appearance or physical health... but I know that slow, little changes have amazing long term effects. I am pushing more weight on the machines and am walking at a higher intensity longer -- all good signs. By May I want to have my mid-year physical and see significant improvement in my cholesterol and blood pressure

---

And yes, I still daydream of being able to do sexy cosplay again... before I'm 50!

A Hopeful Beginning!

Week 1 - 257lbs, 41% fat, 48.5" waist

I was a good, health conscious person this week. I didn't starve myself. I minimized my sugars and simple starches (but didn't eliminate them). I avoided drinking caloric fluids... most of my drinks were sparkling water infused with flavor and a touch of fruit juice. All my meals had significant fiber, protein and complex carbs. I had at least one fruit a day. I made it to the gym twice, and did yoga at home 5 times.

I am trying to arrange my day so I walk at least 5k steps outside of the gym, and then get another 3k on the track in the gym 3 days a week. My goal is to get to 7k of steps daily outside of the gym with 3-5k steps in the gym 3 days a week, and yoga daily by February.

I dropped 4 lbs, 2% BF (that's questionable), and 1/2" off the waist. My goal is to lose 3 lbs and 1/2" a week, which should result in a reduction of 6% body and 2" off the waist per month... so that by August I can hope to be under 20% body fat and under 36" waist :)

On to Week 2!

This year will be better!

So, with all good intentions, I went into 2015 believing I'd start taking control of my health. Sadly, between motorcycle accidents, recovery, stress-comfort-eating, and surgery I've slid further out of the "healthy body" zone than I ever have.

I now have 85 pounds of fat to lose, 14" to remove from my waistline, and 15 pounds of muscle to restore/recover/rebuild before I am back to a "healthy" weight/size/composition. That isn't a goal to look like a fitness model... I wouldn't even have ripped abs... but that'd put me at 190 lbs, 35" waist, 15% body fat. hmmm... what did I look like when those were my stats?

Oh Yeah, that's what I looked like!

I believe I can do this... in fact, I MUST do this... I can't allow my health to deteriorate any further... it isn't an issue of age (though that is a factor on the difficulty and the importance) but an issue of quality of life.

I started today!
I believe I can achieve this goal by September 2016.
So mote it be!

Six weeks of slow recovery

I sit looking out at the swaying pines, the rippling lake waters, and the cloud laced sky and realize that as harsh as the land is, our little getaway in the northern wilds of Maine is something close to paradise. The beauty is not friendly, or is friendly in that challenging way of "if you can handle me, you can find enjoyment in my company." I know winters here are intense and long, and the beauty of the place is not the soft and comfortable kind we find in the mid-Atlantic piedmont, but the stark and edgy beauty here has a kind of zest for life and drive for being which is appealing.

I have not read as much as I'd planned. I have not written as much as I'd planned. I have not created as much physical art as I'd planned. I have not lost the weight I had planned. I have not recovered as much as I planned, though that is due more to having slipped on the stairs and re-injuring an already recuperating shoulder joint -- possibly enough to warrant therapy, hopefully not surgery. Yet, for all of that, I am mostly content with where I am (save the injured shoulder, which vexes me because it was avoidable and of my own making). Very little, in fact, has gone to plan... but in many ways, it is what I needed and as such is perfect.

If it were practicable... if I could find a rewarding vocation up here, turn our 2 season home (1/2 spring, summer, 1/2 fall) into a 4 season home, and enlarge it to make it comfortable for us to live in year around, I would move here without pause or trepidation. I do not fear the isolation, which is not so isolated as it was 50 years ago, nor do I fear the challenges of climate or the need to restructure our lives to flow the seasons instead of  fairly ignoring them in our present residence. It would not be easy, but I find my mind turning to the possibility distractingly often, and I have done 4 floorplans for a revision or rebuild of the cabin to become a year around home. All dreams, idle for the most part, but compelling none the less.

Next week we return to Pawsville, and responsibilities, and duties, and a world of demands and needs and expectations. I do not dread it as my wife does, but I look toward the inevitability with a pang of regret. It would be such an amazing life here... for five decades or so, not simply the 5+ weeks a year we manage now.

I won't be putting my life on hold for the improbability of making it real... I'm done with existing in a life "paused". Time to get things done and live... even if that life is one of a man older, fatter, and not much wiser. I can still make it a remarkable life... if I pay attention.

Eating for Body, Mind & Soul

So, two full weeks here at the lake and I haven't lost a single pound. I haven't gained, but I haven't lost. In truth, I am only averaging 4000 steps a day (according to my Fitbit) instead of the 10k I'm supposed to be walking, but I am far more active than I was prior to our arrival and I am still dealing with tiring more quickly since the accident. I am also eating too much. Fortunately, I am eating "well", as in food that is high quality, fresh, nutrient rich, and mostly local. I LOVE getting my foods from the local farmer's markets, etc. but I'm enjoying the local cheese options, local pie options, and local fruits far too freely.

Eating is something that should nourish as much of us as possible. Science will decree that for optimal health we should consume XYZ macronutrients in order to achieve optimal health -- preparation, local or non-local, natural or man-made ingredients are all immaterial factors to what is good for you. Science, however, simply doesn't know everything. I have found that foods created by a person, consciously and with intention, is nearly always more satisfying when eaten than equally well prepared industrial foods (Stouffer's, etc.). I have found packaged foods produced in smaller batches (like mircobrew beers), by people who are proud of their products, are more satisfying than their mega-alternatives (Coors, etc.).

Food, however, nourishes more than the body. I have found there are foods which make me clear of thought, happy, or calm. I have also had foods which seemed to stir and infuse my soul with energy and light. This is why we use food to change our moods, as part of spiritual practices, and as part of creative endeavors. It is also why we over eat, or eat what is not good for our bodies... we eat in an attempt to fill a mental, emotional or spiritual void in our lives.

One of my spiritual foods, odd as it seems, is peanut butter and chocolate. I LOVE peanut butter and chocolate, and believe that the dark chocolate peanut butter cup could be a food served in paradise. It has been one of my tacit commitments to find the best peanut butter cups in the world. I have tried so many... and there are some awesome dark chocolate peanut butter cups. Sadly, the makers of these delights are usually focused on either the chocolate or the peanut butter... seldom do they put equal attention to both sides of the equation. There are a few... Justin's is available at many health food stores and Starbucks, but even better are Nectar Nuggets.

Rebooting spiritual and well as physical fitness

So, I came across the works of Christopher Penczak last week while exploring a local book store and was intrigued. I've seldom seen writings, especially on metaphysical topics, which align with how I might approach a topic. Mr. Penczak's Temple series of books approaches the study of magic (from what I have skimmed prior to buying the books) much as I would, and his aligning each book with an element/quarter just makes my elementalist soul very happy.

Do I REALLY need another set of books on metaphysical studies? Well, no. I am an initiated wiccan priest and have been studying/working magic since my late teens. But it would be the height of hubris for me to believe I have nothing left to learn. I expect a lot of this reading/study/practice will be review and revisiting of knowledge I gained a couple decades ago... but I hope from a new and insightful perspective which will give me the opportunity to fill out my knowledge/skills.

From what I can tell, these are each 1 year courses... so to get through all this properly it may take 4 years. We'll see. If a large section of the material is review, it may go faster.

Some day I may actually manage a full lotus! It is a worthy goal!

Regular physical activity doesn't preclude therapy...

The last two weeks I have been fairly active, but I have not been doing my yoga or concentrated therapy on my shoulder/wrist/thumb. I realize, much to my chagrin, that this is the precise trap so many people fall into who end up having only marginal or limited recoveries. It is great that I am being physically active, doing assorted construction tasks, etc. however, though keeping active is always beneficial to health, it does NOT replace therapy and specific practices like yoga, etc.

I have no desire to be caught in that trap. I wish I'd realized I was falling into it earlier, but better now than later. So I have worked on my shoulder and thumb tonight... tomorrow I'll be doing my first yoga since arriving in Maine. I must also do some rehab from a slip I had on the stairs a few days ago... no, I didn't fall down them, but I did have to grab quickly at railing/support and strained my shoulder in the process. Ah well, two steps forward... one step back is still going forward.

I have not lost the weight I would have liked in the last couple weeks. I know part of the problem was the 2 days of travel, sitting on my ass for 22 hours and having to eat what we could find on the way (aka. shit-fast-food). We have been eating well up here, as we always do, but the portions have been a bit larger than they should (the food is just so GOOOOOD). I haven't backtracked, thank the gods, but I haven't progressed either.

This too shall pass. I have added chaga-tea to my daily regimen. This has already begun helping with my aches, and it has also begun to influence my digestion... I hope all the additional removal of toxins/waste materials will start showing tangible (aka, scale/tape measure) results.

Another challenge to studying my progress is that my beloved Tanita scale has finally lost its little digital mind... we have had to replace it with a more modern, sophisticated scale... and as is typical, they don't read exactly the same. I really am not concerned as to whether the 242 or 243 is correct, I just want to have trackable results... so now I have to wait until my weight on the new scale reduces down to what my weight on the old scale was, then I can start tracking progress again -- such a bore.

I also need to get back to my spiritual practices... that will partly be fulfilled through yoga-meditation, and some by my art, but I need my "sacred space" in which to do ritual... that is, as yet, not available because it is being built into our new room. So much to do to bring fullness back to my life... and during all this, I must remember to take time to LIVE, and be AWARE, and APPRECIATE the process.

A physical barrier to progress...

The good news is that my flexibility is returning extremely fast with the practice of daily yoga. For that I am so very grateful... unfortunately, my 7 years of "packing on the pounds" has left me with another obstacle to my goals... a physical obstacle... adipose tissue known as "the gut". My flexibility is to a point that I can stretch, reach, fold further than my excess body tissues can allow. I literally collide with my fat as I reach for my toes or try to do a forward fold.

Still, I must give thanks to my body for recovering and regenerating faster than the doctors thought possible. My family doctor is less surprised and more of the attitude that I am healing the way "everyone should" if people were to take control of their healing instead of expecting to be healed by others (or depending upon medication to do it all). I suppose that's the advantage of having been a personal trainer, a yoga instructor, and a massage therapist in my varied and eccentric past. I am delighted to be able to do warrior poses again, and being able to do modified planks and table and so on.

Ending my relationship with "the gut", or specifically, establishing a healthier relationship with my gut, is not a simple task. It isn't like I can just say "it isn't working out" and abandon the relationship. We are tied together, literally, and have to find a healthy way to exist as one whole entity that loves and honors itself. That means I can't look at my belly with LOATHING and expect to achieve wondrous changes. Hate does not make for healthy self identity. So I have to look at this oversized midsection of mine and realize it is what I made of it... it has served the purpose of protecting and insulating me from the stresses of my chosen lifestyle. I must now find better ways to deal with the challenges in my life so I don't dump all of it on my body.

Yoga is more than asanas... and being healthy is more than a lean body. I've got so much recovery to do... and not just from accident injuries!

Asanas, Isometrics, Weights and Injuries

Taraksvasana

As of Sunday I've upped my physical recovery regime. I now do at least 30 minutes of yoga/isometrics/weights per day, and try to do 2 sessions (morning/evening). Last week I couldn't do more than about 15 minutes before I ran out of steam... now I'm puttering out at 25-30 minutes. That's distinct improvement.

I've added light resistance to some of my moves (10lb weights) to help with the recovery of muscle. I've also begun doing "iron Body Qi Gong" (or a variant there of -- it has been several years since I practiced regularly) to help begin revving up my cell energy and metabolism. It is amazing how quickly I can heat up and sweat doing IBQG.

I lost a good deal of weight a week ago, but last week I didn't lose an ounce. What I did lose was fat off my waist. I remember this particular cycle. My body seems to lose weight and size (fat) in alternating weeks... one to three weeks of weight loss, then a week or two of size reduction without weight loss... then weight loss again. It can be very frustrating and discouraging if I only use one measure of success... that is why I always check weight and waist size, because one is usually improving even when the other is at a stand still.

I presently can't do any thing like the beautiful Taraksvasana asana above. At the peak of my yoga practice I was barely able to manage that pose. I can't even do inversions yet... though I think my left shoulder could manage simple inversion poses, my right wrist is no where close to ready. I am doing yoga stretches and therapy work on my wrist, thumb and shoulder daily... but I'm not so stupid as to think I could just "do it" when just holding a pen to sign my name is a challenge.

My goal is to be able to do Taraksvasana again before I turn 48. I see no reason why I can't manage that... so long as I avoid any further grievous physical injuries in the next 15 months. I don't think I'll aim to look like the model above, however... for one thing he's in is 20s, and that'd be creepy... for another, I've got more muscle than that and want to keep it!

I have an inspirational magnet on my fridge that says "Growing Old Is Not For Sissies." If I manage to follow my grandfather & mother's examples of what 80s-90s should be, I'll still be doing my yoga, hiking, canoeing, and maybe even still riding a motorcycle (probably a trike) when I get there!